@Ashra Koehn Thank you for casting my new spell so quickly...I was glad to receive your update in my inbox yesterday. Might be explain why I was utterly
EXHAUSTED and I had zero energy
After work and errands I laid in bed like a stone, and it's not unusual for me to be super tired, but to that extent made me feel like the spell had taken its toll.
I've calmed down from my anxiety from the past couple of days but I still haven't been able to shake thoughts of Matthew from my mind. I talked to my mom, and that was the only way I was able to feel reassured that I had done the right thing with my lovers. She reminded me if I had accepted being back with Matt, I would have regretted walking away from Nick and would have panicked and probably ruined everything (not the way she phrased it, just my interpretation).
When I think about my history with Matt, it has been one hell of a rollercoaster. Our first break up had been basically mutual but we found ourselves talking again about
three months later. It was six months before we officially were fully back together. Then after the breakup of now two years ago, when he left me for another, he came back
three months later. We were hanging out and everything for awhile before he dropped me again for someone else, and again, came back
three months later. Only that time, I had started seeing Nick, and though for a few months I tried to juggle seeing them both, I finally made the decision that I am praying I won't ever regret. It's now been a little over that seemingly fateful three month time-span and he seems to have moved on and I am still seeing my lover Nicklaus.
I just can't help but feel that he and I haven't seen the last of each other.
I want to offer all my love and support to all of you here. It's been nice to come back and read through everyone's progress, and I would like to continue making time to do so. I hope that my story and spell journey with Ashra can be of some inspiration to those who are feeling lost and missing their lovers. It took time and a ton of spellwork, but I got exactly what I wanted, I just had to walk away from it in favor of something better.
Ashra was positive in her spellwork on my lover Nick and I hope to start seeing those wheels turning in the right direction soon. It's bad timing for me to be feeling anxious and thinking about Matt, since my lover Nick just left yesterday for his yearly snowboarding trip and I won't be seeing him until hopefully next week. It's a time where I need reassurance and the comfort of what I have with him, and I know right now I can't expect to converse with him much while he is on his trip. I am missing him, and hoping he is thinking of me.
I'm a bit frustrated too on not maintaining my own goals I had hoped to work on while my lover is away. I've been dragging my feet on studying for my college exam and my online coursework. I was doing somewhat well with my dieting and exercise, which I have started doing socially. Since Sunday though haven't really exercised and have not been eating too healthy but I'm still staying just under 140 lb so that's at least something. I started up lifestyle coaching and they are set to call me to check in tomorrow so I won't really have much good news to report.
I've considered Ashra's weight loss spell but I've been so intent on putting spell energy on my lover(s) that I resolved to lose weight through exercise and diet alone. My sister is visiting in the coming months and wanted me to join her in a Brazilian butt lift surgery because she is tired of trying to shed belly weight
I was tempted to make an appointment myself but no way I would drop the money on that nor time from work, plus my lover doesn't feel that any kind of plastic surgery is ever necessary and I know he wouldn't approve (plus a lot of people tell me I already have a hot butt
)
My goals...which btw were not New Year's resolutions because I don't do that kind of thing, but I have set goals for myself that I am slowly coming towards, maybe not as fast as I should, but getting there. One thing is paying off my credit card debt, which should hopefully go faster with stimulus check(s). Get down to my desired weight goal, keep up an active lifestyle, finish my AA, land an actual career, and get back into my own place. I pray that my spells, in addition to working their magic on Nick, will work on me too to keep my mind clear and focused on my goals.
One other thing that has troubled me a bit from time to time, and after reading back through posts on here, I get myself to wondering - am I doing wrong in the long-term by being s*xually active with my lover? I never really got a clear verification on this when I was involved with Matthew last year when we were not officially back together. I have always seen mixed opinions of this here and never too set in stone in regards to spell guidelines. I just wonder because I am not in a situation of a prior breakup with my guy in this case, it's just that we met and were s*xually active from the get-go and we just have not reached the point of being an official couple. I am super terrified if I try to cut out that aspect, things will go downhill. To me does not make too much sense not to do so...He enjoys it. I certainly enjoy it. In fact and not to be too TMI but I have never had a more satisfying s*xual intimacy than I have with my lover Nick. I don't really see the point in ending that when it's pretty clear that he isn't just using me for s**, since we behave in every way like a couple just without the label. He's told me on a few occasions that he obviously enjoys the s** a lot but isn't in this with me just for that, and I feel his actions have done well to support his words. But anyone have thoughts on this? I would of course like to know my forum family's opinions.
Love and light to you all
