. I can't wait. I'm back after a long break because I got busy with life. I'm not with my lover yet, and I dated someone for quite a while last year, from April (2022) up until December. It was a good relationship, but the long distance was eating this other partner alive, so we are back to being friends, and I don't think he's ready for a relationship. Moving to the person I was after for so long, he got back with his crazy ex this past summer (who I've mentioned before on here), which I wasn't thrilled about and was disappointed.
But history tends to repeat itself, and I got some readings with Ashra to find out what was going on and why it happened again. Despite them getting back together in July of 2022, I was thankfully busy with someone else for most of that duration, so it was easier to deal with. They're not doing great now, and I hope that this time it'll make my love realize that it will never work out with her and stop denying my connection with him that goes deeper than just being friends. My mistake was that I never removed her permanently from his life, so staying friends probably did it. I hope she'll go away forever this time, and I'll ensure it myself.
I'm trying to think of this as a learning experience and a lesson that needed to be learned by both of us. I think we both need to see that it won't work despite trying to move on with other people who were also potential partners in our lives, it won't work. But we have to see that for ourselves. It's been a long road, and I haven't spoken to my lover B in a while. The last time we spoke, it got kind of tense because I snapped at him for being annoying about his relationship and how he continually circles back to how great it's going. He's desperately trying to get my approval of it, it seems. I think we got past it, but at one point, he thought it would be better if I reached out instead of always doing it because he feels like he hurts me whenever he talks to me and doesn't want to. Little does he know that he only hurts me when discussing her. But since every conversation, she is always brought up, of course, he would think that. I haven't contacted him because I intend to follow the guidelines. I do find it ironic that despite us focusing on different people, many times throughout his relationship with her, he would reach out to me. I asked him why and if there was any foundation behind this. He didn't explain other than that we are friends and it would "be a shame if we didn't check up on each other now and then." Even though I thought it was nice, I was thinking something different. There is more to that. If he was really into her, he wouldn't contact me at all and would focus on her. Despite them being together in person frequently, he still did. I thought that was interesting. Maybe there's more to that, but he couldn't tell me for obvious reasons.
Maybe he'll crack soon with all these new spells on him. I find it funny that he tries to pretend everything is okay with this girl even though Ashra confirmed that the old problems are resurfacing. This girl managed to convince him that she had changed, but it was clear that she hadn't. He was pressured to get back with her. Kind of sad that others were influencing and pressuring him to do as well. I wish it were me being the one rooted for, not her. He hasn't made a move on me; I think that won't happen until the relationship falls apart and they cut contact for good. Even during their time apart, when he could've made a move, literally no obstacles in the way, he did not. I guess in his mind, he hasn't let her go yet, and maybe that's why it hasn't happened yet. I just don't think he's the type of person to screw around on their partner, no matter how toxic they are. My only hope is that with my efforts, this time, their connection will be at a point of no return, and he'll finally cut her off and not be friends with her anymore when they split. I wish she had gone away already, I feel like he won't change until she's gone for good, and hopefully, this time, it'll be forever, and they don't have a friendship this time around.
Spells I've gotten recently:
- Total Devastation Triple Cast
- Soul Curse
- Glimpse of the Future
- Sensei Combo Ritual
- Job Spell Triple Cast (something for myself that I need, I can't wait to see what doors it opens for me )
- Twilight Moon Seal
- and now Full Worm Moon Ritual for tonight at also a triple cast.
I added these all recently within the past three weeks, and the reports have been good. I also got a 3 question reading and a one-question reading too,
. I hope things will progress, we can get past that awkward silence stage of not speaking for two months, and they break up again. I'm wondering what else to add to help me. I was thinking of maybe doing another breakup Spell to eliminate her altogether. I was thinking of raising the stakes and going all out for it.
I was thinking of Total Banishment, Return to Dust, Seeds of Agony, Candle Trap Ritual, or even another Path to Exile, even though I've gotten 2 in the past before on this situation. She's back, so I need to try something more powerful and much more potent.
I hope I have better news to share later, but that's what's been happening to me. I've been working on my second master's degree and working a lot to keep myself busy. It's been beneficial. I believe he'll get a wake-up call one of these days. I just have to wait and see if he decides to listen this time. Hopefully, he'll treat me more the way I deserve soon and not continue to make me feel like nothing more than just another one of his guy friends.